Why Do You Run?
I know why I do
Whenever I go for a significant amount of time without running I tend to get really off balance. I tend to act slightly crazy (under other people’s standards), and I tend to feel lost and not like myself anymore. I’ve always assumed that it is because I’ve been deprived of the main physical activity of my routine and this in turn causes stress and chemicals to accumulate in my body. At least this is what most people tell me… and it makes sense, I do think this is a contributing factor. And while health professionals and most people, in general, seem to like focusing on this, it is not the whole truth because it is not as simple as this.
I’ve always felt that the most precious part of a run is the beginning. It’s those first ten steps when I tell myself I am running. It’s as if I am set free for the first time in the day, I can feel the air re-entering my lungs and it’s as if the sky swallowed the earth and got bigger and brighter with every step. Sometimes I feel like opening my arms, like I’m in a movie, especially when the sun is setting or rising of course, (romantic).
Honestly, it’s liberating.
It’s as if everything became more real, the sights, the colors, the feelings, and most importantly myself.
I become real.
I become myself again after a whole day of the world telling me who to be, what it expects from me, to not be too angry, too raw, to not say no, to not question, to conform.
And simultaneously, I become enough.
I remember that the only one watching is me, I don’t need to impress anybody else. I feel like enough and I believe it. It’s as if running is the pillar to believing that I am a capable person, I feel accomplished. And the thing is, I feel accomplished from the very start. I don’t need to wait to look at the distance or the time I ran for, because from the very start I already feel like I am worthy, not because of what I’ve accomplished at the end, but because of who I am in that moment.
I want my life to be like this and running is the segway to it. Running is the cup half-full of paint that spills into my life, colouring everything on its way. Running is also the quiet I hear underwater allowing me to listen to my own heartbeat.
Someone once asked me why did I even run if there were more efficient ways to work on my fitness? It is a valid point if my focus was only on my physical body. At the moment, I guess I didn’t have the words to express what running meant to me, but I managed to say:
“It’s an experience”.
I now know what this experience means to me. And I am discovering and incorporating more things like this into my life. I want the freedom that comes with running to permeate all of my life. I want the self-love that comes with running to dictate my behavior outside the running shoes.
